5 Things Every Speech Giver Needs To Hear (from a wedding videographer)
At the beginning on the year, I spent weeks creating a course for how to give a killer wedding speech. I think I’ve come to realize that teaching how to give a speech could be a whole course, but I’d much rather put the 5 most important points I desire anyone giving a speech to hear in one article. If they would at least just read these 5 points, I think I could more than deliver the same end result as the course offers. So here they are for you.
Don’t wing your speech
If there’s anything you take away, I hope it’s this one point. Forget the rest, just listen to this. I feel bad for so many couples because the people they love the most, that they have asked to give a speech, put ZERO effort into prepping for it and get up in front of everyone to say absolutely nothing for 10 minutes. We treat it like it’s a homework assignment we don’t care to do instead of seeing it as a rare opportunity to speak at such an engagement. You probably will only get 1 or 2 times in your life to do something like this (if that). And yet too many take it for granted and do nothing about it. Most that wing it tell random and uninteresting stories that leave the crowd going on their phone or having side conversations to entertain themselves. Most fathers like to wing it and spend 15 minutes talking about every stage of their daughters life and everyone (including the bride) is lost on it. Why? See #3. I guarantee that if you take the time to prepare your speech (and not the day before), it will be 100 times better than winging it. No you won’t be graded on your performance, but they sure as heck won’t appreciate you showing you put no effort into it (unless you are an incredible public speaker and already know what to say, which is rare). Most that wing their speech aimlessly wander for 10 minutes never getting to a point or saying anything of true value. I think it’s a waste of time and a disservice to the couple. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I’ve been doing this for 6 years now and have heard hundreds of speeches, clearly it’s a problem if I’m talking about it today.
Don’t make your speech 15 minutes long
The art of confinement is a skill little possess. I even struggle to minimize my words to stick to what’s important. But if there’s one thing I wish more speech givers would do is get to the point. You shouldn’t need 15 minutes to communicate the points you want to make. Unless you are a motivational speaker you shouldn’t. Your boss probably doesn’t give you 15 minutes to explain an idea, they want it in the most concise way possible because time is precious, and most don’t like wasting it. The best way to know how long your speech is, is to write it out. A speech that’s 6-8 minutes long is plenty of time to tell a great story and talk about the couple. In fact you should really only need 5 minutes. You can type out your speech and check the word count for the fastest idea on it’s length. 1000 words is about a 7 minute read which should translate to about 7-8 minute speech. Use that as a reference to guide your time frame and keep things simplified. Or, read it out loud and time yourself. Most couples have a tight timeline for their reception and want to experience it all. When parents or bridal party take up 45 minutes for speeches (when it should take 20), it cuts into their time to spend time with their guests, dance, or participate in the other activities for the evening. Keep that in mind as well as you prepare.
Stop telling boring stories
I talk about this in depth in the course but speakers should at least be aware of how to tell a good story. Here’s how it should work:
Your story should almost always involve the couple. Unless there is a powerful moral to the story that then ties perfectly to the couple then go for that. But for the most part your story should be about them.
The story should have a moral by the end of it. What do you want people to learn from that story? What’s the takeaway? If you can’t even think of one, it’s a bad story. Or if you do, ask yourself, is that the best possible story to express my thoughts about them? If so, great. If not, find a different story.
Get rid of the details that don’t matter. Just like a movie has deleted scenes, get rid of the content that doesn’t impact the end result of the story. Don’t share information that is irrelevant or doesn’t add to the story. It just wastes time.
Add drama to the story. Pace yourself as you tell it. Find ways to illustrate the situation and put people into the moment. Be as animated as you want. Think about how comedians share stories and how they use the simple props they have (including themselves) to tell the story in a way that’s engaging.
I hear way too many stories or memories from speakers and it leads to no where. I don’t think it does any good to anyone to do that on a day like this. I don’t want to sound like I hate these speakers, in fact I don’t blame them for telling bad stories. It’s not like we all took a story telling class in school and they just didn’t pay attention and I’m mad tax dollars are being wasted. Not even close. I just hope to help speakers learn how to tell better stories in an effort to better serve the couple on the day of their wedding.
Speak to the crowd just as much as the couple
We get a lot of speakers who turn their backs to the crowd in order to talk to the bride and groom. I get it. But they don’t realize they are cutting off the guests from the conversation and it quickly can disconnect people. The point of speeches is to talk to the guests about the couple. Not a private conversation with the couple. The easiest way to avoid this is by positioning yourself next to them at the sweetheart table and facing the crowd. You can' bounce back and forth where you are looking but it’s the most engaging way to connect with everyone.
Stop roasting the groom
This one is really just for the bestmans out there. I hear this one all the time and I feel bad for grooms the most. They asked them to give a speech about them as a couple and the best man not only decides to wing his speech, but he spends the entire time roasting the groom. Sure they might get a laugh in there, but it gets old after the first one. Usually this is a reflection of their relationship and how they communicate normally but this isn’t a time to revert to boys being boys. Men in general don’t get spoken to with life giving words very often. If you are a guy, when’s the last time another man gave you compliments and spoke life into you? Especially if you don’t have the best relationship with your father, it’s a rare thing to experience. And this is one of the few times they have the chance to receive better words than being roasted. Don’t rob them of something we all truly desire. Just ask yourself: is what you plan to say something you would want someone else to say about you? Sure crack a joke in there or poke fun once but leave it at that. Don’t get toxic and revert to talking smack and being rude. Maybe it stems from insecurities, maybe it comes from a lack of direction, maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, don’t let it ruin your speech. Speak life into them. A real man speaks life, value and love into other men. You don’t have to act tough. There’s a time and place for that, but not this.